🤫 The Moment That Changed Everything
So, I was on vacation in India. I had just lost my mother. I was anxious, sensitive, and irritable.
During a Zoom call, my team reported a lapse in an audit check. And I said—“I’m realizing I can’t be on vacation right now.”
I just said it. I didn’t think about how it would land. In fact, I recall justifying to myself: ‘I am being generous. I am announcing to my team that I am willing to be present as much as possible, even during a personal crisis.’ I felt magnanimous.
Is this what they call arrogance? Possibly.
My status quo dictated that I subconsciously default to a sense that my team couldn’t do their job without my physical presence. This assumption was that I had to be there all the time, and if I was gone, things wouldn’t get done. In other words, I fed my own flawed belief system.
But that sentence—those words—landed hard. And I didn’t know it yet.
So, I go back to Paris. I’m in my office, and then one of my lead statistician Aurelie, a strong woman, and mother of 3 boys, walks in—doesn’t ask, just walks in—and says, “Robin, I need to talk to you.”
“Of course, really, tell me what’s up?”
She looked me straight in the eye and said, “You said: I’m realizing I can’t be on vacation right now. Things just fall apart when I do. That hurt us. It’s as if you don’t trust us, as if you don’t think we are capable. Yes, we want to check things by you, but that does not mean we are incompetent. That was hurtful, Robin.”
And in that moment, boom! It hit me.
She was right. What I said, while I had my reasons, wasn’t just about me—it had hurt them. It was tantamount to disrespect, and I couldn’t brush it off.
I looked at her and said, “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. And unfortunately, the way I said it actually destroyed the truth—the fact is, I do trust you.”
I paused and then said, “Whatever anxiety I was feeling, that was my problem. But my words affected the team. And for this, I am going to apologize publicly and make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
And she just broke down in tears right there. And I let her.
That was the moment I realized that leadership isn’t about holding power—it’s about holding space. It’s about making people feel safe, making them feel trusted.
That was a turning point for me.
🛠️ Shifting from Apology to Sufficiency
An apology is necessary to repair the crack, but it is not sufficient to rebuild the foundation. Real leadership requires digging beneath your own anxiety to uncover the flawed assumptions driving your management style.
To complete the repair of the rupture I walked into the bullpen and openly told my entire team “During my recent visit to India I had made a statement that implied that I don’t trust your skill. This is far from the truth. In fact, I trust your competence and commitment completely. Please accept my apology.
And I will do more, I will ensure that next time I am more thoughtful about my language so that my emotions don’t leak out inappropriately. Also, I thank Aurelie for her courage to tell me how I can correct the rupture I caused. I invite you to tell me anytime you feel slighted in the future.”
Having completed the repair, I was happy.
I consider myself very fortunate to have had such priceless, levelling experiences.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation, realizing your own blind spots were alienating your best people?
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